Real Feels, Crying in Public

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I'm going to do something no one does, and probably shouldn't do, on a business website.But this is Truer Words, and those rules don't apply here.I'm going to talk about what made me cry in the past two weeks, and what I did about them.I am not a big crier. I come from a looong line of emotionally repressed Puritans and Brits. We only hug dogs and horses - know what I mean?But oh - the last two weeks have been rough ones for a lot of us. Most of us? All of us? And it's too easy to feel powerless.FloridaFirst, the Florida shooting happened. The emotional impact of it crept up on me slowly at first, and then slammed into me full force once I realized just how many people I knew, people I loved, had been deeply, personally affected.Fun facts about me: Half of my bridesmaids were dating women at the time. I've even officiated a same-sex wedding (one of the highlights of my life). And even though I'm in San Diego, one of my favorite co-workers from afar is a gay man in Orlando, and he was friends with one of the men who was shot.Oh how the grief poured out from Facebook. From all sides. From friends, from clients, from people I hadn't seen or spoken to in years. But something else poured out as well that grieved me even more.So much anger.And I'm all for righteous anger. Be angry at the shooter. Be very angry at all of the cultural/societal/political failings that contributed to this massacre. Anger is a proactive emotion. When used well, it can lead to positive change.But this anger was different. It was so explosive it caught friends and foes in the shrapnel of peoples' emotions. "Allies" were called out for not allying enough, or in the right ways. Friends were criticized en masse for not reacting in certain ways. People who tried to show love met with resentment. People who tried to duck and cover from the emotional melee met with resentment.These aftershocks of anger and grief sent me into a tearful tailspin last Wednesday, where all I could do is watch He Named Me Malala on Netflix, and cry some more.To be honest, I had to turn off notifications from some friends who were too angry. But for the most part, I kept reading. Kept watching. Kept listening. And I'm so glad I did, because one friend, the one who helped me build this website actually, made a really good point: Showing love and support is important, even if you're not sure if you're doing it right. Reaching out, whether publicly or one-on-one, helps.I had been hiding. Silently sending love and support. But silently supporting isn't that helpful, even if you're a SoCal native like me and believe in the power of 'vibes.'Her comments reminded me of the toughest, most traumatic time in my life, and how much it helped me to receive the well-wishes of friends and family members. I needed their support in ways I never could have known if I hadn't gone through something awful (I don't mean to tease. In short: My husband was mugged, beaten, and left in a pool of blood in a parking garage 3 years ago. I found him at 3am. He's fine now, right as rain, not traumatized in the least. It's weird.)As a writer, I'm ashamed to say I needed someone to remind me, kindly, that words have so much power to heal. I immediately sent a message to my co-worker friend in Orlando, just to let him know my thoughts were with him. Just to add to the dozens of supportive voices chattering on his feed.Because each one of those voices makes a difference.ChinaAnd the second thing that made me cry happened today. I read about the 10,000 dogs to be slaughtered at the 10-day Yulin festival in China. Don't even Google it if you aren't prepared for deeply disturbing pictures.As a dog lover and Dog Rescue volunteer, finding words for how terrible this is and how helpless I feel is impossible (hence the tears). Sometimes, you can't be the one to directly make positive change. But that doesn't mean you're completely helpless to contribute something positive. I contributed cold, hard cash to the Animal Hope and Wellness Foundation that is there right now, on the ground, helping to save 1,000 of those dogs.Wish I could take them home, even as a Foster, but I have to discuss this idea with Ms. Schnauzer and my husband first.A kind word. What cash I can spare. They're so small in the face of evil of such large proportions.But dammit, it's something.And Marketing?Since this is a marketing blog for the most part, let me explain why the above is pertinent to Authentic Marketing.Authenticity isn't just a word we pull out when everything is going well. Integral to authenticity is having a set of values you stand by, talk about, and support. Even when those values are controversial.Your tribe is on your side. That's the nature of tribes! And by taking a stand on what matters to you, you are differentiating yourself in the most important way possible from all of the companies and businesses that remain neutral.This isn't to say you should rant, rave, and demonize opposing viewpoints, unless that's your marketing shtick (hey, it seems to be working for a couple politicians I could name). But I believe brands that spread messages of love and comfort, that dig into their pockets to help causes that speak to them - they will attract customers, friends and fans who share their values. Who buy as a show of support for those shared values.It's a millennial thing - it's been documented.